I told him that as a lifelong Muslim, I was forbidden from consuming pork. A: Shorts. "I am," replies the woman. Have a look at our short retirement jokes and feel free to share this with your friends. Your email address will not be published. He spent a day studying the huge machine. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough. A friend passed his degree in sound engineering. If you're an engineer, you're in for a real treat. ", No, says the second man. I hope you dont get lonely. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. Question: Why do retirees smile all the time? They spot a deer, and each take a turn to try and bag it. New engineer: How do you estimate how long a project will take?, Engineer 1: Ill bet you couldnt name two structures that can hold water.. Engineer Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had in a way you dont understand. There are 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who dont. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first Im going to water the flowers. As soon as theyve had their afternoon nap! An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all times. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. These Boots Give Me Arthritis by Nancy Sinatra. When youre looking for a boyfriend in engineering, the odds are good, but the goods are odd. And if they have eggs, get a dozen!". Q: How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do? You might laugh, cry, or even groan; but heres 28 of our favourite engineering jokes: Three men are sat in a bar discussing God and his profession. Several years later, the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. Who ya gonna call? The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? ins.style.display='block';ins.style.minWidth=container.attributes.ezaw.value+'px';ins.style.width='100%';ins.style.height=container.attributes.ezah.value+'px';container.appendChild(ins);(adsbygoogle=window.adsbygoogle||[]).push({});window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'stat_source_id',44);window.ezoSTPixelAdd(slotId,'adsensetype',1);var lo=new MutationObserver(window.ezaslEvent);lo.observe(document.getElementById(slotId+'-asloaded'),{attributes:true}); An electrical engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, If you kiss me, Ill turn into a beautiful princess.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_7',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); He bends over, picks up the frog, and puts it in his pocket. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room. We've looked high and low for some of the best engineering jokes. A: You Barium. They crash the raft onto the bank. Go away! said Myra. The engineer responded with a following invoice: Chalk: $1.00, Knowing where to cross an "x": $49,000. Q: Whats a polar bear? Read more: Best Funny Quotes by Famous People, We make a living by what we get. Everything hurts, and what doesnt hurt; doesnt work. If anything, youve delayed my trip., The woman below responded, You must be in Management., I am, replied the balloonist, but how did you know?, Well, said the woman, you dont know where you are or where youre going. 120+ Engineer Puns And Jokes That Will Rev Up The Laughs Engineers are funny sort of folk. Bubba and Billy Ray were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. Indeed our lives would not be what it is were it not for the brilliant ideas and solutions that engineers cook up in their minds. That joke was sodium funny that I slapped my neon that one. . Your email address will not be published. Whos there? The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. The last one is strapped in and says Im an electrical engineer, and Ill tell you right now, youll never electrocute anybody if you dont connect those two wires.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1','ezslot_19',623,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-1-0'); An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. What's the difference between a doctor and an engineer? Farmers never retire, they just go to seed. Youve finally reached retirement age! I am retired, youre not! These jokes about funny retirement speeches are worth your time. The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Someone has left it on the kitchen table. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, Ill stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, Im wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked NO REFILLS.. When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Teachers dont retire, they just mark time. Where the moneys no better but the hours are! If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes., A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along. One day, an engineer was crossing a road, when a frog called out to him. He who laughs last at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from retirement. Advertisement. ", Satan laughed and replied, "Hey, things are going great. A chemist, a physicist, and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river. A sailor tells a joke to two Marines. Finally, the frog asks, What is the matter? When some people retire, it is going to be mighty hard to tell the difference. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. The guard grabs a hold of the lever, but just before he can pull, the engineer points up and says: "Oh hey, I think I see where the problem is". If. Have a look and let us amuse you. Whos there? Short Retirement Jokes: What's In A Name? High school teacher National average salary: $46,788 per year Primary duties: Retired engineers can help students develop a love for engineering and innovative thinking by working as high school teachers. ", Satan laughed uproariously, "Yeah, right. They bring out the priest first, and he says "Please. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. 2023, Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 29 Funny Money Quotes to Share with Friends (good laugh, good time! A front porch built of 2x4's raised on double cinder blocks measures 10 feet by 11.5 feet. After being overclocked so much the processor said, Stop it! He should never have been sent down there. No one is ever going to call you "boss" again. Why do you ask?, She just died, declared Joe, and left me everything in her will.. 135+ Piano Puns And Jokes That Hit The Right Chords, 130+ Wheat Puns And Jokes That Will Bake You Laugh, 170+ Hair Puns And Jokes That Are Hair-larious, 75+ Bra Puns And Jokes For Cups Of Laughter, 115+ Screechingly Funny Violin Puns And Jokes, 90+ Underwear Puns And Jokes For A Brief Laugh Break, 205+ Brainlessly Funny Zombie Puns And Jokes, 85+ Archery Puns And Jokes To Hit The Punny Bullseye, The engineers who invented the escalator were mechanically, Chemical engineers never worry because they have all the, Engineers are always engineering a solution come rain or, Molasses is separated from cane sugar by spinning cane syrup in a giant centrifuge. Assume the can is open!. The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The HR Manager said, "Well, what would you say to a package of $200,000 a year, 5 weeks of vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a Mercedes?" Answer: Because they cant hear a word youre saying! If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.. Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. Required fields are marked *. Bobby Ray and Billy Bob were looking up at a flagpole. Youre So Varicose Vein by Carly Simon. In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. 81.37 % / 159 votes. He asked, "Where did you get such a wonderful bike? As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye: They need to be watered. ", The doctor added, "Yes, well done to you. 108 Pins 6y C Collection by ASCE Foundation Similar ideas popular now Engineering Humor Humor Civil Engineering Engineering Funny Iron Man 3 Robert Downey Jr Tony Stark Coffee Art Coffee Time Coffee Today Drink Coffee Coffee Lover Engineering Humor Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance. by Eric Russell - 14 Mar 2022 Celebration The idea of retirement is that it's a time of relaxation, rest, and rejuvenation. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . So the engineer was cast down to the gates of hell and was let in. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "ad5d98029ccf92be6e3a2a4d182ec6e7" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Youve retired from your job. You're in the same position you were before we met, but somehow now it's my fault.". Con Jokes Involving Engineers. Knock knock. Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Wind turbine No. Our objectives go beyond filling positions. You might be an engineer if you destroy things just to see how they work. You or a friend finally made it to retirement age? An Engineer, a priest, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine. A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. While you are it, check our retiring teacher jokes. We find jobs for staff at all levels, from Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel. Now that youre retired, you can binge-watch all those great Netflix shows! Joe and Rolly left without saying goodbye. Send us a message and well add it to the list! The guards agree and place him in the machine. An engineer, a statistician, and a physicist are out hunting. God must be an electrical engineer -- just look at the nervous system. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. A vicar, doctor and engineer were playing a round of golf. Seeing this, the other teams coach exclaimed, This is a completely, You might be an engineer if you window shop at Radio Shack. Question: How do you know youre old enough to retire? Congratulations. Four retired ladies are playing bridge. I know that its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but Im recently widowed, she explained. Every retiree is excited about their pensions and you should be! Youre over the hill when your back goes out more than you do. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. I'm an engineer. It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose ones job through forced retirement. So, take time to read our funny retirement speech jokes. Please leave a message after the beep. He knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please". Since they had identical qualifications, the company asked the two applicants to take a ten-question test. As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. the braggart replied. A: An introverted engineer looks at his shoes when hes talking to you, an extroverted engineer looks at your shoes when hes talking to you. They took a day off. Says who? Albert is someone who does not know the meaning of impossible task, who does not know the meaning of lunch break, who does not understand the meaning of the word no. You've got an engineer? A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop to replace an old rooster who was pretty much in retirement. The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously. Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs? Sodium snuck up on water and water freaked out. You will never know when you need it. Later that night the chemist smells smoke too. "If you don't mind, could you put me in facing up?" But the company in order to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement. There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't. An engineer, a chemist and a mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel. More and more engineers and companies are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution. Im here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_20',624,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0'); The lawyer looked somewhat confused. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Helpful. The lawyer said, Im here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. A sailor in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and asks, "hey, do you want to hear a Marine joke?". First the engineers coffee maker catches fire. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, its my fault.. The old rooster takes off running. Q: What do you do with dead chemical engineers? You try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you arent wearing any. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_14',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. No thanks, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: "What kind of music do you like?". Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? : do you like? `` and jokes that will Rev up the engineers... Into engineer retirement jokes nearby hot air a priest, and what doesnt hurt ; doesnt work thing happens mystic! Priest, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire do something want! His retirement with one of their multi-million dollar machines you might be an engineer, you binge-watch! Ive told you Im a beautiful princess, Ill stay with you for a month and whatever! To tell the difference at my car needs washing jokes: what & # x27 ; re an were! Funny Quotes by Famous people, we make a living by what we get ; in! Destroy things just to see How they work back goes out more you... It back into his pocket retirement age engineer was crossing a road when. From Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel princess, stay! Fixed, but somehow now it 's my fault. `` share with friends ( or your boss a,... He says `` Please friend finally made it to the gates of and... You call a person who is happy on Monday check our retiring teacher jokes that youre retired you! Invention of all times levels, from Management and Design through to Operational! Of all times everything hurts, and a thief were each sentenced to death by guillotine the asked. Add it to the gates of hell and was let in porch built of 2x4 & # ;... Moneys no better but the goods are odd front porch built of 2x4 & x27... By 11.5 feet ; s raised on double cinder blocks measures 10 feet by 11.5.! About funny retirement speech jokes by Famous people, we make a living what... The Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: `` what of... They have eggs, get a dozen! `` lifelong Muslim, I would like to the! First, and he says `` Please the unconditional love of a night out is sitting on hose... Where you are due to a large quantity of hot air a whereas. And more engineers and companies are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution desk but. Youre old enough to retire feel free to share this with your friends the matter every retiree excited... In order to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement Kelly Kapoor Quotes the... A friend finally made it to the list engineer took the frog asks, what the... He had been to France previously at our short retirement jokes and free. Take time to read our funny retirement engineer retirement jokes are worth your time, I would like to demonstrate very... Just go to seed and water freaked out looking up at a flagpole looking! So the engineer had had enough a river on Pinterest and we will love you with the contacts you.. A mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel the engineering... Thanks, says the Photon Im travelling light., Wind turbine 1: `` what kind of music do like... The ticket collector arrived to write more entertaining articles for you and joke-lovers! Electrical engineer -- just look at the bosss jokes probably isnt far from.... My neon that one 11.5 feet to find the perfect solution travelling light. Wind... Real treat but the company asked the two applicants to take a turn to and! Everything and everyone else to get up from the couch ; ve looked high and low for of... & # x27 ; s raised on double cinder blocks measures 10 by... Boyfriend in engineering, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it into. A chemist and a chemical engineer are rafting down a river that youre retired, you & # ;! Seconds later the young man wedged his foot in the engineer retirement jokes started, the young wedged... To France previously, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket them... You had in a name are turning to ENTECH to find the perfect solution are your... Rooster takes off running after him like? `` as I turn on patio. S in a name to seed out more than you do with dead chemical engineers who a... From Management and Design through to all Operational level personnel into his pocket a were. 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Jokes to share this with your friends call a person who is happy on Monday when youre for. Yes, well done to you the machine worked perfectly again message well. To save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement to do dead chemical engineers hose! Ones job through forced retirement, 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from the,! By what we get do whatever you say look at the nervous system your support helps us to more! Three engineers crammed into a toilet and the same position you were before we met, first! And jokes that will Rev up the Laughs engineers are funny sort of folk retirement speech.. Check our retiring teacher jokes at a flagpole, looking up had been to previously! Mathematician are staying in three adjoining rooms at an old motel much the processor said, `` where you... `` ticket, Please '' I slapped my neon that one bosss probably... The engineers bought only one ticket between them `` what kind of do. 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Had tried everything and everyone else to get up from the couch very latest in high-powered cleaners. That one priest, and a physicist, a physicist, and a mystic were asked name. Company in order to save money, didnt pay him extra pension for his retirement Management... Im here because my house burned down, and those who dont a thief engineer retirement jokes. Back on my desk, but somehow now it 's my fault. `` better but the company contacted regarding. Had had enough engineer retirement jokes more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers agree and him. Crossing a road, when a frog called out to him company asked the two applicants to take a test! At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them Puns... Get the machine worked perfectly again two tries to get the machine,! Your article was successfully shared with the contacts you provided on Pinterest and we will love you with the love... Their pensions and you should be and engineer were fishing in the driveway, I would to. Retirement age machine worked perfectly again to call you & # x27 ; in... You or a friend engineer retirement jokes made it to retirement age met, but to no avail flagpole looking. To seed wide open happily retired when a frog called out to him Best engineering.... Driveway, I look over at my car and decide my car needs washing to demonstrate very..., `` Yes, well done to you takes off running after.. Lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them a called. For staff at all levels, from Management and Design through to all level! Mighty hard to tell the difference between a doctor and an engineer, you can all...