Paula, Stay At Home Mom Rejected By Baby So here comes my last advice. He didnt want to talk to his dad when he was with his mom either. I am not saying that it is easy, but I am saying that it is definitely part of being a parent to be rejected now and then. Sometimes she does it to my partner but seems only to attack me more. i struggle with post-partum depression-and have sought help for it-but that doesnt mean i always feel sunny. I am also one of the sad moms whose 17 month old daughter doesnt seem to like her mother. I even think sometimes grandma secretly enjoys doing this to me. Heartbreaking! While I would never ever leave my child, I am very concerned about the lasting effect on our relationship. He is still Mr Independant but I can now sit back and be proud knowing that all my love has been well used as a base for him to be his own person. In fact she would crawl away if i come near her. Hold your baby skin to skin, and keep your baby close. Many babies go through periods when only one of the parents will do it can be either the mom or the dad. i am a working mom. My daughter is 2 1/2 years old, and she used to be very affectionate. I mean, how could we not be depressed when our babies seem to reject us? Is that true? Bonding can start at any time, even at 15 months old, even though it can take a bit longer to establish at that point. but Ive become hardened to it. Unrequited love hey. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. which is why I do not understand why he seems to prefer my husband and MIL over me. Why do I feel like she doesnt love me anymore. What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. So the legal battles began, the mother finally got a job after 2 years (shes 37) and he was finally able to reduce the child support from $1600 a month to $800 since the mother should have been able to pay for her personal expenses. Begin pumping ahead of time and build up a supply of frozen milk, if possible. My wife works part time on my days off, meaning our daughter goes into a lovely nursery 1-3 days per week and we split the child care between us for the rest. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. I really think this scenario is the worst case scenario many of us feared for ourselves. For quite some time now (actually since my daughter was about 3 months old) Ive had this very same concern that my daughter does not love me. I do that almost everyday, and shes fine and enjoys playing with me when were home together; again, its when her Dad comes home or when Grampy and/or Aunt Mel come over that she wants nothing to do with me. She is almost 14 months old and she doesnt seem to want anything to do with me lately. She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. When he comes home, her face glows in a way that its never glowed for me. as a side note: i think post-partum depression is viewed as a shameful thing. She preferred me up until recently. The comment that bothered me if the grandmother taking over being the mother. It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. If i let her have her way, ill never get to be with her because she never wants me. So they want to carried around the clock, wont play by themselves, cant be handed over to anyone else but mom or possibly dad without screaming like there was no tomorrow. Toddler Milestones. Or is she a bit distant to you also then? Making daily life work with a little toddler/baby is not always easy, so being able to help each other, discuss situations and both taking responsibility makes a difference. But Im not so sure now, I think my daughter doesnt know Im her mother. Im very hurt and try not let it get to me but its hard. have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. Before we know it they are even out of the house. And do things together all of you. I am pretty much in the same situation as most of you are, except the only difference is that my inlaws live with me and i work full time so my daughter is with my mother in law 8hrs of the day. I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. Please someone help me with this I dont want to hate my mom but more than anything I dont want my son to bond better to her. Hopefully Ill be able to post later and say that things are different. When he's with me. Because I was in a very bad place myself over this issue, I understand your pain and encourage you in the strongest terms to get support for yourself. I often wonder if day care would be a better option. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. She wants to be with anyone else in the house except me. Do whatever it takes to push her to her place. She wants to go to ANYONE (atleast any relative that shes familiar with) instead of me; her dad most importantly. If you are dreading going back to work at the end of maternity leave or, indeed, know anyone going through the same who might get a little kick out of this . However, after my mom left, I take care of her whole day and I do everything for her. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. For you, later bedtimes may equal more fun time with baby. Acknowledge your feelings without judgment, and then cry, laugh, journal or call a friend. I had the same with my daughter, which happened at maybe 7 or 8 months. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. And even being so young, she can sense your tension, which might make her slightly stressed, if that is how you feel. Sep. 5, 2016. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! Skype is also, of course, an option, but your babies may not respond to that with any great interest there and then. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. Hi, I also got jealous sometimes, and wanted my baby to love me as much as I love him. I feel like why I didnt die when she was born. I love him so much and have never felt so hurt or rejected. However, my daughter seems to want nothing to do with me. they will be happy, more emotionally-healthy adults because of the love we giveeven if they seem to ignore it now, they need us. It is an intensive period. Hi Try rocking gently whilst feeding. Your baby will not feel abandoned by you when you return to work. I miss my baby terribly. My mother in law lives in my basement suite and looks after my son 2 days a week, my mom looks after him 1 day a week. But she adores my husband (and he hardly spends any time with her at all). Every experience is different, but generally, it takes around six weeks to feel relief from most postpartum symptoms after having a baby. I have a 11 month old little girl. Her grammy says when either their head or tummy is hurting they dont want their mama, but this really concerns me because of how awfully loud she screams. Im so depressed over this. If I dont seek her out, we dont hear from her Ive often wondered what happened. hi.. i am a mother of 6 month old twin boys. I have to also remind myself daily that this was for the love of God that I had this child. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. she doesnt want him to hold her or talk to him. All of a sudden our 9 month old son seems to prefer his daddy over me. Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. seems like they dont need me anymore. You might feel really, really sad about going back to work, but you might also feel really excited. Please help!!!!! everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. I am not defending what the babys mom did. I am so happy that my two main men have such a great relationship, but I want to share in it too! But doesnt mean that you should just sit and wait! I have a 9-month-old baby, who doesnt seem to want me anymore. ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). Try different positions 5. If the mom can come to your house or spend time with the baby in company with someone you trust, so that she doesnt run off again, you will have done a lot for your baby. My point is this this WILL pass. they dun even let me held my gal after my day of wrk. Anyway, he will be one in a week or so and Im happy to say that things are back to normal and this seems like a distant memory. Much more effective than disciplining a child. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. However, he understands that its also for the best as now i can console her when she is sick or having a tummy ache etc without having 2 call daddy via the internet. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. And I swear to g-d it feels like hes being a jerk on purpose sometimes. So the child has gone through traumatic events including the separation from her father which shes always been so attached to. I thought I was the only one and something was really wrong with my relationship with my 9 month old daughter. Do you hug, cuddle, and laugh together? He is now a year old, but at around 9 months he did the same thing with me. My partner goes away and when I am on my own we have a perfect routine and daddy comes home, she hits me and pushes me away. There are so many nights when I would cry myself to sleep from the heartbreak and helplessness that I feel. Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. I am feeling so rejected and lonely. When we come home from work he just looks to his dad happily and seems like im not ther, it was so dissapointing and depressing. I wish I could be of help to you, but at least know there are other mothers out there who are or who have known the sadness and pain you are experiencing. bottomline she just wanted my husband.I guess having 2get through a c-sect, my gets 2spend more time with our girl. Please think long and hard before you do so, and before you delude yourself into thinking that leaving the baby with someone other than you for extended periods is no big deal. Tonight is especially bad, he pushed me aside to get to my mom. What you need to do is to take a step back and stop taking your daughters preferences as evidence that you have done everything wrong. She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. I was nothing more than a pain in the ass to her. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. Take a bath the three of you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together. I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? And like all husbands out there, mine too, asks me not to take it personally. I couldnt find any info about it happening to any other mothers at the time, I bf and did everything for her, perfect housewife and mother but she still was so hurtful to me. she just looks at me when i call out her name (we sleep together in the bed) and tries to crawl around the bed. I couldnt see it coming and this is my first child, I love him very much, but this reaction I get from him is very unpleasant and hurtful to me. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? But unless one is emotionally stable, it can be almost impossible. Also to say daily a positive affirmation like am a good mother especially when your child looks away instead of going to cry go to the bathroom and say it front of the mirror!!! My mom watches her while I work, and she seems to be more attached to my mom. I dont know how to explain this to him, I just wanted to say, its not my problembut on the other hand, i dont KNOW what the problem is either! I felt like a true bond wasnt there. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. You are obviously there for your son. I cant stop crying. Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. This could change any day. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. I am a dad in the same boat. The answer is yes, although breastfeeding after returning to work is definitely trickier in some situations. I hear a lot of guilt in what you write. she is three now. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. In addition, I really think you should start reading books about adoption if you havent already. I would really urge you to sit back and think hard on what limits are absolutely necessary for you to set and what you can let go of right now. My Postpartum Depression Made Me Reject My Baby. he not only preferred my partner but seemed to dislike me, which people have told me is silly for a newborn, but I really think it was true. This always triggers a post traumatic stress response in me and takes me back that awful dark place it sounds like you are in. Our little boy went through a 5 week phase when he was about 9 months old, where he really preferred his daddy over me. I am in love with my son but I am starting to get severely depressed, spent most of today sporadically crying and avoiding contact with him jus to keep him happy I feel like the house is happier when I am not seen or heard and I am so sad I try not to let him see it but I have gone weeks now where he doesnt want to look at me or talk or play with me. Recently, its really been getting to me. The child speaks to everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes hysterical. I cant help having my heart broken. Your mother is totally taking over and you need to talk to her and if she wont listen then talk to a family member and ask if they can have a word with her with you. Never has. That is sick and the real mother should move out and seek help from friends and family. My mom watches her while im at work and shes is more attached to my mom then me. She LOVES daycare and when I pick her up, she cries because she doesnt want to leave. I feel bad for the child. I play with him, Ive teacher him words in (Greek) we read books everything!!! I have never been away from her for more than 2 hours before this and now she doesnt even care to see me. Is it common that a baby rejects mom after going back to work? A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. I had the same reaction from my baby girl. Toddler Rejecting Mom After New Baby. no more crying out 2 daddy when she has a tummy ache.and she hasbecome so excited whn i come home frm work.My husband and I lives in a different continent due to the nature of my work, and he wd come to stay wt us 2-3 times a year at around 5 weeks to 2 months a time.So whn he left for Asia when our baby is 2 months old, we established a routine using the internet via webcam and video calls every single day. Help . Continue to do things alone with your boy that is an excellent way to maintain a good relationship even when he has become an older kid, teenager and adult. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? She wants Daddy all the time and will cry for him when he leaves the room even when I am in it. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? paid fire departments near bandung, bandung city, west java; tu exam center 2078 notice. Whereas, with her, he SCREAMS. Especially living in India just because the Home Office is not convinced I?m married and have a son. Baby swim classes, where the parent is with the child in water (if the baby likes it, of course) is a wonderful way to have fun together, for example.). Then try some of these methods: 1. Her father works and Im always with her and Its just me. Its been like this since he was a newborn. I really hope this was at least a little bit of help. When asked how much extra time they would want, the most common answer was "a. When my baby girl ws born 10 months ago, she just fell in love at first sight wt her dad. Its easy (relatively speaking) to be a mother when you get that intense bonding right back at you. But she preferred to be cuddled by my mom instead. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. what can i do to make it better? I want her to love me again! But he just doesnt seem to need me. When I drop her off at daycare she doesnt look twice. This was very hurtful to me, in fact, I cant even articulate how painful it was. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. It really hurts. Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. From all Ive read, shifting affections in young children is normal as they grow and develop. This phenomenon of opting out is actually not widespread. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? If she wants dad to put her to bed, let her have dad, but see if you can figure out a way to join in now and then. It hurts. I am in the same position yet I do not work. I have returned to work since and he always cry when I carry him? It also sounds as if you are not in a place where you feel supported or comforted in your experiences. Ask your employer if something like this is an option. i try everything from holding her close to rocking her to talking to her and NOTHING WORKs.i then give her to grandma and she is quite and happy almost immediatly. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. I try to play with her and make her laugh all the time. Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. i completely agree with you and also want to add that our love and care is imprinting our children on a sub-concious level. i leave for college and am out of the house by 5am he doesnt realize im even gone but when i come back at 11am hes fine and playing with grandma untile he sees me and i go give him a hug and kiss and im ready to play and its like a switch he starts crying for hours! Time spent together is with no doubt also very important, but above all, continue to show your daughter how much you love her. Even worse, today my husband and I took her to the baby classes, she suddenly refused me to hold her and wanted my husband only. Or has anyone here experienced their toddler crying when they hear the parents voice on the phone and they are fine once they see them? 2.) I think its because Im with her a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom she can get. In conclusion, it is a painful when a baby rejects mom or dad. Your mom can also try to stir up some excitement around you coming home from school; looking out of the window with your daughter here comes Mommy! Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. And with every shared experience and every bit of advice I felt more and more comfort.Thank you so much for making me feel better, restoring my faith in myself as a mom. On the other hand when where home our out she only wants me and nothing to do with her father. The main reason is that at this age, children start attending school and they become more independent. And console her when she is sad. You may be feeling a range of emotions about being away from your baby, all while getting used to a new daily routine that might involve busier mornings, daycare drop . Good luck and let us know how things develop! 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